Wow.

I never knew that I could love my husband more than I already do, but we finally had time ALONE and it made a world of a difference. It still has its kinks, but overall God is really working on our marriage, and I am thankful.

I dont even want to comment on pregnancy. Eight months is soon approaching and it aint soon enough.

thats all for now.

Sex

Totally overated, undervalued, and overused by society.

Period.

As for "finding me", I am somewhere floating along with NEMO. Who knows where I am. I have several hats to wear and I am can't find one I like. Wife, Mommy, Daughter, Admin, Black Woman, Friend, Co-Worker, .... the list goes on.

I need a nap. A 16hour nap. I am being sucked dry by energy/emotional vampires.

Fatigue

I am really tired. Aside from struggling from paycheck to paycheck, I am just sick of being pregnant. Honestly, sick of marriage. Sick of stress. I want to sleep and that has been the impossible dream. I want to make enough money to live comfortably and that has become one of the most difficult goals to achieve.
I am even sick of this blog.

Hormones Are A Trip

I am not a sexual person.
Revealing this info to the web doesnt bother me. I have come to terms with it.
I can be sexual, but during seasons.
I am very primitive that way. If my body decides its mating season, I am all for it.
Unfortunatly for my husband, seasons are not long spans of time.
Today, I dropped off my husbands lunch for work.
Seeing him with no shirt on awakened every primitive "mate with me now, you fool" sense in my body.
He's not even buffed out.
His chest is hairy, not my favorite thing about him.
But, still... I had the urge to howl at the moon.
By the time I got to work, the season had passed and I was back to a pregnant blob with a fro and no sex drive.
Hormones are a trip.

An Empty Backyard

No butt. I have no butt. Being black and buttless is a major stressor for me. Now I know many women with butts but the shapes arent desirable. But, how nice it would be to have a well defined butt. I dont have a butt, I have a "fanny". I have a fanny because its isnt threatening, it isnt noticable, its just there. Some women got a big backyard for an butt, and I dont even have a patio. I attended a show and after two hours, the lack of cushioning made my fanny ache. With all this fat on my body, you would think I would have a backside to go with it, NO! Cursed with a fanny.
back to work.

REDEMPTION!

Okay, yesterday, I was a raving feminist. Today I have mellowed out. I have read yet another article in the paper today that really lifted my spirits. MEN now have body shaping briefs available. Briefs that suck in the beer belly that was nursed with ales from the college years, briefs that suck in those flabby thighs that are hidden under baggy pants, BRIEFS that are padded to add a more delightful, supple appearance to the gluteous maximus. bwaaaahahahaaaa! (my decadent guffaw) Finally, men are the target of the nonsensical, sexist marketing that women have been subjected to for years. Men who werent conscious of their bodies suddenly will be knowing that there is now a market for their FLAWS!
When your man turns to you and softly asks, "baby, do you like my butt?" REVEL in the moment, and say "its great honey, but you can stand to firm it up a little". LOL
I LOVE IT! The table hasnt turned over, but it certainly has TILTED.
I am so happy that there are now more concerns for mens appearance other than the regular plight of hairloss. Yippee!
By the words of Shania Twain: MAN! I feel like a WOMAN!

Whats In a Hymen?

I read in the paper last week, that some women are seeking to have their hymens repaired so that their husbands to be would believe that they are virgins.
okay, maybe in a culture where women expected to be virgins and if they arent they are stoned to death, or forced into brothels or something...but AMERICA?
Then again, what the heck is so great about America?
The bottom line is, we as women are so compelled to satisfy men that we are willing to surgically reinvent hymens. Absurd is putting it mildly. Outrageous is more I like it.
So, where are all these men who are breaking hymens and running off to marry preserved virgins with hymens in tact, and ready to be broken?
Regardless of where you are from, its the same mentality. Americans are no different and no less oppressed when most American women either:
a) broke their hymen in a drunken stupor
b) broke their hymen with a guy who's last name isnt even known to them
c) broke their hymen with a guy they absolutely hate as of late
d) broke their hymen because everyone else was doing it
e) broke their hymen "for the hell of it"
f) still dont know why in the world they broke their hymen
Then half of these women work on getting their hearts broken long after their hymen in done with.
My question is, why are women so eager to please MEN? With all of the cruddy, immature, stank, baby-momma having, irresponsible, whiney, rude and uneducated lumps of poo hollering at women on a daily basis, I would think most women would have a MENTAL hymen by now!
Instead we REPAIR our hymens, and shop at MAC, and accessorize, and fret, and other misc. nonsense for an erect penis with a prerequisite for a damned HYMEN!
Yes! You have guessed that I am a tad more than peeved at this.
My closing comment?
What is in a hymen is most likely a penis attempting to break it.
I will never repair myself, dress myself, or degrade myself for a sloppy apendage attached to a stupid male, that works itself in a tizzy, just to spit up on itself like an infant and go limp.
this may be vulgar, but if you dont have a hymen, your eyes shouldnt be burning when you read this.

Can I Get a Witness?

Sundays service was great. I learned that I needed to let go of a lot of nonsense. This was something that I had already knew, but the confirmation was made when my pastor retiterated everything that I had been thinking. So long to the things that dont really matter. I cant change anyone, and sometimes my situations. Once I accept that I can not just exist within my life, but actually LIVE it. I am glad that I have embraced this truth.
The pregnancy is getting hard now. I feel heavy and my legs are swelling. I have to wrap them at night. Even swollen legs wont stop me. I am blessed with another life in my womb and I am thankful. I can do this.
To all my beautiful and empowered black women who arent sweatin the miniscule..."can I get a witness"!