"Baby No-Like"

Today, I had yet another near-fainting episode on the train. I figured I needed to eat some food to give me some energy. So, I had three donuts, an everything bagel with eggs and cheese, a tall mug of tea, and a slice of cantaloupe. No later than twenty minutes after my enormous binge, I was writhing in pain. My stomach felt like a man... stink nasty and helpless LOL. Men must hate me. Oh well. Anyway, as I was moaning in agony, all I could imagine was my daughter in utero kicking the heck out of me screaming "baby-no-like, baby-no-like!" It was as if she were punishing me for eating all the garbage I consumed. Sheesh. This is the LAST baby you hear me! mark my words. Tubal ligation in the house! IUD, or whatever works, I am officially RETIRING my uterus. I dedicate this blog to women everywhere who have been conditioned to believe that their sole purpose on this earth is to birth children. REJECT YOUR UTERUS! Tell it HELL NO!
I'm finished.

I Need A Raise

I want a house
I want a savings account that DOESNT deplete but actually SAVES
I want to shop for shoes that only go with two outfits
I want my belts to match my shoes
I want my shoes to match my handbags
I want to afford to get my hair and nails done regularly
I want to be able to purchase clothing for my kids just because it would look nice on them
I would like to NOT be broke due to unexpected expenses
I want to go on a vacation OUT of the country for once.
I want a RAISE!

Sexy Dyke

Okay, so I cut all of my hair off.
Then I went really crazy and dyed it a deep auburn-brown
Now its already on its way to a mini-fro.
I decided that rain, sleet, or snow, I was going to go all the way to Ashburn, VA to visit an old friend. Well, my husband and I had an interesting exchange of words.
Him: SO, you cut your hair, AND you dyed it now
me: Yep
Him: I didnt think you liked dying your hair
Me: there are a lot of things that I like but I dont get to do them often is all
Him: oh.
Me: yep
Him: I like it...
Me: thank you (indifferent)
Him: In that "sexy Dyke" kind of way, I like it.
Me: (sigh)

What a great prelude to a wonderful day.

Sigh

What is it that drives women and men mad for carnival? This weekend was the "caribbean festival" on Georgia Avenue. My brother "miraculously" had the day off. Of course he was dancing with the best of them.
I wasn't interested in going. What was i going to do? Lay on a enormous dolly and allow them to use me for a float? No thanks.
Yesterday, I think I finally communicated effectively with my husband.
Yesterday, I seen a long time friend and realized how much kids really deteriorate a woman. We both look wrecked.
Today, I am loving myself. I have no hair, and no cares.
well, I have lots of cares but am too fatigued to rant.
enough for now.
i'm hungry.

"you're breaking out"

Why do some people feel compelled to state the obvious? I am driving my daughter to gymnastics and my husband informs me that I am breaking out.
OKAY, THANKS FOR THE FYI SWEETHEART.
Chances are, if you have a rash of acne all over your chin and forehead, you just may have a clue that its there!
I have decided that people tell you these things because they are SOOOO damned happy thats its not them. No one ever says : My God, you're making money! Christ, you are in great shape! Lord is your face polished!
No, they want to stroke their egos and remind you of your flaws.
I am 200 pounds and counting.
Bald headed (okay, five weeks away from a caesar)
Acne-ridden and tired. DO I REALLY HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT?
(deep breath)...okay, the ranting is over.
What am I going to do to really kick off this LIBERATION/FINDING THE NEW ME "thing"?
I am spending the weekend at a girlfriends house.
with my daughter....
(sigh)
Once I have this little girl, next time i go somewhere I will have jello shots and a dance off with the hottest hoochie in the room, and I will win. LMAO (bwahahahahahah)-evil laugh

Well, today I nearly fainted on the train. That was loads of fun. I was so disgusted with my near-embarrasment of falling out on the metro that I decided to punish everyone in my workplace by eating an "everything bagel" and conversing with every co-worker in sight. This tickled me profusely.
Yesterday, I actually enjoyed a conversation with my husband. It didnt involve family problems, recognition of emotions, or finances. It was just a pleasant conversation. He was a FRIEND to me for an hour. PIVOTAL!
On another note, I am seriously contemplating studying to be a registered representative of the NASD. The increase in salary is all I seek.
Eventually, I want to get all of my businesses off, up and running.

The Host

My body is a host.
I have carried and birthed a total of three children and I am on number four.
I have no clue as to what the hell I am doing.
Last summer? A size 8-10.
This summer? A 20, oh yes, I just said 20.
My belly is ravaged by stretch marks, and I am fearing the deflation period after this kid comes.
I am lost in a new marriage, motherhood, and maternity...
would you not be confused?
So, now begins my journey to find ME.
I am going to discover what I like, what I want, what makes me happy, and guess what?!
DO IT!
I have three more months until labor day (literally) and then begins reconstruction and rediscovery of all that makes me ME.